Meetings with Annoying Men

Poor Winnie - Part 2

I had been passing the nondescript storefront (near my home) at 357 6th Avenue for some years. Previously, Ony was located here, a Japanese restaurant I frequented, featuring delicious noodle soups. Now, there is neither signage nor a menu posted. Peeking in through the cutouts I was able to see that it was also a Japanese restaurant. See photo in Part 1 here.I was intrigued, however, a number of friends and I are regulars at Marumi (see here). We all love the food there and have been eating for so long, it feels like a second home. There was no compelling reason to investigate another Japanese restaurant, particularly with no menu posted.One does tire of the same routine, though, so on Tuesday, a friend and I stopped by and asked to see a menu. The restaurant's name was Soto. Surprisingly, the prices seemed reasonable. We decided to try it the following night. When we arrived, we were asked if we had a reservation, which on the surface seemed rather silly, since the place was virtually empty.After ordering, we were informed by the waitress that what we had selected were actually very small appetizers. She recommended following with something from the next page of the menu. Now we were beginning to see the full picture. We asked the waitress to give us a few moments to regroup. My dining companion offered to leave if I felt we were getting in too deep for a casual dining decision. I suggested we stay - the pricing would still not break the bank. We shared an extraordinary parade of dishes as they came out, one by one. I will not describe each dish here but suffice it to say that the food was truly sublime and exotic - nothing like anything I have seen before. It was easily the finest Japanese food I have ever had. My companion, who has had much more experience eating in upscale restaurants, agreed.A man arrived alone and sat at the table immediately next to us. This gentleman (and I use the term loosely), however, did not appear pleased with anything he ordered. He complained about and returned every single item brought to him without exception. Some items were returned twice. He complained that the soy sauce was too salty, the Sake was not to his liking and he did not want wasabi in his sushi. Every bite he took appeared to be an exercise in scrutiny - this was not dining, it was a forensic autopsy. It was excruciating to watch but the waitress did an admirable job trying to please him. The customer also made trouble regarding the bill, which totaled $142 for one person (our check was $133 for two).My friend and I both felt compelled to speak to the waitress and offer our condolences. After he left, we pulled her aside. Winnie, a young girl who hailed from Indonesia, appeared very eager and pleased to talk. We apologized for her customer and assured her that this man was completely unreasonable. I told her that not only was the food amazing, but this was a man who could not be pleased and perhaps someone who needs to show off his "sophisticated" palate for all to see. She had maintained composure throughout this entire affair, but now put her hand on her stomach and politely told us how stressed and tense this experience had made her. We concurred.That night at home, I did a little research on Soto. I learned that it is owned by celebrity chef Sotohiro Kosugi. It is considered one of the two finest Japanese restaurants in New York City and one of only 10 restaurants in the city to hold the coveted Michelin two star rating (much harder to earn than a one star rating). Only four restaurants hold the highest rating of three stars. Soto is also one of a tiny group of restaurants to get a Zagat survey food rating of 28 - the highest possible. The stakes are high for all in a restaurant of this caliber. Diners are quite experienced and often much more critical and demanding, voicing their complaints about things that to most, might appear to be extremely picky. In spite of the fact that I believe our diner was unreasonable, this type of person and his behavior is to be expected in a restaurant of this caliber.Some may argue that the owner and staff are well compensated for incidents of this nature and that it comes with the territory. However, regardless of any expectations or diner's rights, the behavior we observed was excessive and in my opinion, mean. I don't believe that customer was so much displeased as he was trying to inflate his ego - at other people's expense. Poor Winnie :(

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Meetings with Annoying Men

Poor Winnie - Part 1

He was one of the most annoying people I have ever met - the mold for the New Yorker everyone loves to hate. Every human descriptive with "self" as a preface could easily apply. I was introduced by a friend and learned that He was a translator for the United Nations - a perfect job for someone who wants professional tools to cut others with precision. A person like this will, however, need a constant audience to fan his ego and will likely run through unsuspecting victims rather quickly. I was one of them.He believed everything had a price and it could be quantified. One only needed to ascertain whether the value of a thing or proposition was worth the price to any given person. His favorite question to me was always "How much is it worth to you?" He lived on the Upper East Side. I visited His apartment once. On a tour of His home, every furnishing was pointed out and named, always prefaced by the brand or designer. I was to know that the ordinary or inexpensive did not belong here. He had an outdoor garden (of course). It was here that I saw a moment of merit when He got into an argument over grammar with His close friend, also a translator for the UN. At one point, His friend, furious, declared that you absolutely could not use words in a particular way. He grabbed a paper napkin and began diagramming the sentence, something I had not seen since grade school. I don't remember the outcome, but it did not involve the brand or cost of the napkin or pen - the weaponry of the argument.At that time in New York City, nothing to me conferred status more than gaining admittance to the various hot clubs, places like the Mudd Club, Xenon and the most well known, Studio 54. These places had arbitrary admission policies and potential admitees were chosen from the throngs outside the door, completely at the whim of the bouncer and his criteria.On one occasion, I became extremely excited to learn that He was a regular at Studio 54. When I asked about the prospect of getting in, He asked what it was worth to me. $10? $20? He also surveyed my appearance, knowing full well that I would be a challenge.A large number of us made an excursion to Studio 54 with Him. I recall very little except carrying a crumpled bill in my sweaty hand and following Him in a line with the others like victims of river blindness. At one point He looked back and told me to run my fingers through my hair and "look rich." I think He sensed the futility of getting our motley crew in before the bouncer rejected us, telling Him there were just too many to admit to the club. It did appear, however, that He did have rapport and clout with the bouncer. We failed nonetheless.In my few brief encounters, I did take away one thing of value and that is about restaurants - dining is a business transaction. He had no tolerance for those restaurants that had menus without prices (such places do exist) or the common practice of waiters reciting specials without prices. You have the right to know the prices and asking is not improper. The management has already priced the offerings, so why hide it from the customer? I now never hesitate to ask a waiter the price of any special(s) I am interested in.But as annoying as He was, I was to meet much worse in what is one of the finest (and most mysterious) restaurants in New York City and the waitress that had to serve him. My dining companion and I felt so badly for her. See why in Part 2 that we felt and said Poor Winnie :)

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Meetings with Unusual Men

The Story of Ferris Butler, Part 2

I have just begun to review four huge emails with numerous attachments sent to me last night from Ferris Butler, including chapters of his upcoming memoir, biographical notes, outlines of his comedy writing and stories of just the most extraordinary melange of life encounters I have ever read. Perhaps you are thinking, if he is that interesting, why haven't they written a book or made a movie about him?

Oh, did they forget to tell you? They already did. Kind of. But no one knows for sure. Are you familiar with the film Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Then meet Ferris Butler, who is believed to have inspired the film character and the name and someone much more interesting than Ferris Bueller. Most of what I am about to tell you is as much a surprise to me as it will be to you. Ferris was extremely generous to give me the entire texts of chapters he has worked on for future publication in his memoirs.

In the interview I conducted with Ferris in the corridor's of MNN (see Part 1 here), my nagging question was that of the relationship between Ferris Bueller and Ferris Butler. I was told by Ferris that he knew comedy legend Del Close, who not only found Ferris intriguing, but once remarked to him that he would like to do a screenplay based on the character of Ferris Butler. Later, Del was not only in association with John Hughes, writer and director of the film, but appeared in the film as an actor. Paramount Pictures denies any such connection of course, saying the film was a creative work of fiction. Both Hughes and Close have passed away, so each of us will have to solve our own equation on this one. Personally, I believe Bueller = Butler.

When I met Ferris in 1970, he was an NYU senior in the film school and a frequent visitor to our dorm room. In the event we were eating anything, we were ALWAYS greeted with "What are you guys eating?" Regardless of our response, he would invariably reply "mm mm, my favorite." Because FREE was really his favorite food and mooching his favorite currency, to be expected from a man who was always broke.

Sifting through the enormous amount of data Ferris supplied me with today reminded me of an occasion when he entered our dorm room and said he loved the Led Zeppelin song we were listening to - Dazed and Confused. So appropriate. After graduation from NYU, Ferris worked at Vita Herring in the consumer complaint department. Proud of his position of power, he told us how we could frame a letter to him at his new post and obtain free herring. What college student gets excited about free herring?

Welcome to the world of Ferris Butler. A man who is not easily forgotten and still remembered by Martin Scorsese, one of his teachers at NYU film school and where Billy Crystal was also a classmate.

Ferris' greatest solo creative endeavor was Waste Meat News, a half-hour satiric revue series, featured on local access cable TV from 1976-1980, which he wrote, directed and produced. The inspiration came from his part-time office position at Channel 7's Eyewitness News, where he came to the conclusion that "TV news is nothing but throwaway scraps, like sausages or hot dogs. Very little protein, like waste meat." One of his signature pieces was the Leather Weather, later to be used by Saturday Night Live. Waste Meat News rose to the number one spot on cable at that time. Some of his material, like the Trough Restaurant appears to have been appropriated by others, such as Saturday Night Live. After failed attempts Ferris was hired in 1980 as a comedy writer by Saturday Night Live (where he rewrote his classic Leather Weather skit) in its historic sixth season. A major moment in the life of any comedy writer.

But Ferris Butler, unlike the film character, has had more of a Life Off than a Day Off. Born in New York City in 1949, his life includes an extraordinary cast of characters, travels, residences, women, sexcapades, experiences and jobs - taxi driver, office boy at ABC, work at the Metropolitan Opera, photographer, PR man for a chain of discos, press release writer/coordinator for Columbia Artists Management in 1986, comedy writer for SNL and the Playboy Channel, his own TV cable series. He has lived in a number of cities - Las Vegas, New Mexico, London, San Francisco, New York. In skimming over his accounts, I am honestly overwhelmed with his tales, like that of his meeting a woman named Roach (who he introduced us to in college) who was living in the East Village with Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead, whom Ferris also met.

In 1974, Ferris married Beverly Ross, a "voluptuous, intense brilliant artist, one of rock's founding females." Best known for her big hit song from the 1950s, Lollipop, Beverly has been a prolific songwriter and stage writer (they were later divorced, and are now living together again in Manhattan).

In 1987, Ferris received a family inheritance of $500,000. A life of indulgence and gambling quickly disposed of this booty, leaving Ferris in a position he knew best - penniless and on the brink of disaster. Ferris would file for personal bankruptcy more than once.

Since December 2003, the Ferris Butler Program has been running on Manhattan Time Warner Cable Television, Channel 57 at 11:30 PM on Sundays. This program originally consisted of Ferris doing monologue comedy and satire on various news and cultural subjects, and several songs of a Sinatra style. It now has a cast that consists of Ferris, co-host, standup comedian Mike Fine and a variety of other guest characters.

In interviewing Ferris, I was astounded at the people he has met, known or worked with. A veritable who's who in entertainment, comedy and public life - Bella Abzug, Philip Roth, Larry David, Jerry Stiller, Jackie Mason, David Frost, Milton Berle, James Earl Jones, Matthew Broderick (who played Ferris Bueller), John Lennon, Rosie O'Donnel, Howard Stern, Quentin Tarantino, Gloria Steinem, Truman Capote, Andy Warhol, Gov. Elliot Spitzer, The Pointer Sisters, Gloria Gaynor, Jerry Garcia. To name a few.

This story could just as easily fallen under the umbrella of my story series "Abandon all preconceived notions ye who enter here" or "Meetings with Remarkable Men" - as long as multiple bankruptcy or near hits and misses do not preclude remarkableness. You are not going to find Ferris under any single umbrella and he is not going to fit in any box very well. This story has only been a rough sketch, an outline. I'm waiting for the book and the movie, Ferris Butler's Life Off. You saw the trailer here. I'll meet you in line :)

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Meetings with Unusual Men

The Story of FJB, Part 1


Have you ever met someone so unusual that their ability to sustain themselves is itself one of the biggest mysteries in your life? Someone whose life seems like it is defined by confusion and always careening towards disaster? And yet somehow these individuals survive without any apparent livelihood and with sources of income as mysterious as the riddle of the universe. Often, quirkiness, is merely an affectation or a fashion statement. Or perhaps it is an expression of a strain of individualism, but deep down lies a serious, responsible adult with a career. Our friend Jenn (see her story here) is a good example. But other times, the quirkiness runs all way the way through and no matter how deep you dig, the inside is just as offbeat as the outside, perhaps even more so. I know such a person.During my years as student at NYU and resident of the Brittany dormitory, our room became a nexus of sorts with all manner of people coming and going, a virtual real life TV sitcom like Friends, where apparently no one has a lonely moment and a social life comes with no effort.Visitors included both students and outsiders. Often, we had no idea how or where these people came from, but for a newcomer to the Jungle, it was a dream come true. Every day was filled with adventure and bristled with excitement. One day we met a college senior, FJB, who we befriended past his graduation. He was truly quirky. I had lost contact with him and about a year ago he called at my office, saying he had followed my business career. He also told me that he had a TV program that airs weekly on MNN.* I watched the show a number of times, seeing his odd character sneaking out of his weekly shtick.I met with FJB this summer for the first time in nearly 40 years. I recently proposed the idea to do a story on him and he readily agreed. I met and interviewed him, appropriately in a corridor at MNN.People love to throw around words like quirky, maverick, iconoclast, oddball or offbeat. Trust me however, that in this case, FJB truly fits the word quirky. How much so? Enough that seminal comedy legend Del Close once commented to him that he would love to do a film involving FJB's unusual character. Tomorrow you will meet this man, someone virtually unknown but whose comedy writing credits include Saturday Night Live. You will read a story that has never been told anywhere, about a man who has good reason to believe that his character was used in a major motion picture with a title eerily close to his own name. He is a native New Yorker, born and bred. I do so love that, because there's no character like the offbeat New Yorker, where everything is just slightly askew or off kilter, right down to his missing big toe :)* Manhattan Neighborhood Network (MNN) is a non-profit organization that broadcasts programming on four public access stations in New York City, located at 537 W. 59th Street. It facilities and equipment free for individuals and groups to produce shows for its network.

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Meetings With Remarkable Men

The Story of Professor Robert Gurland, Part 1

I came to New York City in 1969, ostensibly to study at New York University. But there would not be much studying, for this was not just any time. Political upheaval and violence was mixed with sex, drugs and rock and roll. There was extreme distraction.The Vietnam war colored and dominated everything. Hanging on my dorm room wall was the iconic anti-Vietnam War poster, And babies, with its horrifying image of the My Lai massacre. Dead soldiers in body bags seemed like a daily sight on television. On the heels of the civil rights movement, Martin Luther King had just been assassinated in 1968. President Richard Nixon, a man seen to be so evil, in 1974 at the apex of the Watergate scandal needed to proclaim to the nation "I am not a crook".Some of the most seminal and notable music groups of the 20th century flourished at the time. And of course, there was Woodstock. This was a time of rampant drug use, particularly LSD. Timothy Leary had already commanded America's youth to "Turn on, tune in, drop out." There was fallout from these excesses. Music icons were dropping like flies, primarily from drug related causes - Jimmy Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin and Brian Jones. Sexual freedom reigned after the introduction of the contraceptive pill in the early 1960s. The spirit of the Summer of Love in 1967 permeated the culture. Consciousness was being expanded. Everything was in question. Groups were beginning to vocalize and demonstrate. In New York City, there were the Stonewall riots in June 1969. The women's rights movement was in full force, on the heels of the birth control pill and Betty Friedan's revolutionary book, The Feminine Mystique.There was the SDS and The Black Panther Party. The Weathermen, a small extreme group of radicals formerly from the SDS, had built a bomb factory in the Village and exploded an entire townhouse. We had just landed on the moon on July 1969.It took an enormous draw to get a student into a classroom and keep him or her attentive. In spite of bullets flying in the world outside, there was one man who could do it. A legend in 1970 time and still today. In just a few minutes, across that park and behind those trees, I have an appointment to meet that man again, for the first time in 40 years. I can't wait. It's 19 degrees out there, but I won't feel it. Got to run. See you later. In Part 2, you will meet Professor Robert Gurland :)

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Meetings With Remarkable Men

The Story of Professor Robert Gurland, Part 1

I came to New York City in 1969, ostensibly to study at New York University. But there would not be much studying, for this was not just any time. Political upheaval and violence was mixed with sex, drugs and rock and roll. There was extreme distraction.The Vietnam war colored and dominated everything. Hanging on my dorm room wall was the iconic anti-Vietnam War poster, And babies, with its horrifying image of the My Lai massacre. Dead soldiers in body bags seemed like a daily sight on television. On the heels of the civil rights movement, Martin Luther King had just been assassinated in 1968. President Richard Nixon, a man seen to be so evil, in 1974 at the apex of the Watergate scandal needed to proclaim to the nation "I am not a crook".Some of the most seminal and notable music groups of the 20th century flourished at the time. And of course, there was Woodstock. This was a time of rampant drug use, particularly LSD. Timothy Leary had already commanded America's youth to "Turn on, tune in, drop out." There was fallout from these excesses. Music icons were dropping like flies, primarily from drug related causes - Jimmy Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin and Brian Jones. Sexual freedom reigned after the introduction of the contraceptive pill in the early 1960s. The spirit of the Summer of Love in 1967 permeated the culture. Consciousness was being expanded. Everything was in question. Groups were beginning to vocalize and demonstrate. In New York City, there were the Stonewall riots in June 1969. The women's rights movement was in full force, on the heels of the birth control pill and Betty Friedan's revolutionary book, The Feminine Mystique.There was the SDS and The Black Panther Party. The Weathermen, a small extreme group of radicals formerly from the SDS, had built a bomb factory in the Village and exploded an entire townhouse. We had just landed on the moon on July 1969.It took an enormous draw to get a student into a classroom and keep him or her attentive. In spite of bullets flying in the world outside, there was one man who could do it. A legend in 1970 time and still today. In just a few minutes, across that park and behind those trees, I have an appointment to meet that man again, for the first time in 40 years. I can't wait. It's 19 degrees out there, but I won't feel it. Got to run. See you later. In Part 2, you will meet Professor Robert Gurland :)

View the original article here